angelicalangie: (Default)

I have been dealing with issues I haven't been able to describe. 

Tonight I was helping a friend with a journal article for a writing journal, she has been writing for and looked at one of the issues and saw a poem about mental health and it sparked something.

I ended up writing 3 poems about the things that in normal conversant language I have had the most difficulty with expressing.

I dunno if they are very good in a technical sense, but they express what they are intended, so they are successful to me.

Enjoy!

About depression

About depression )

About losing My Mum and what it means/meant

Mum )

About my relationship with my dad - who lived with me my entire life (I am lucky and I know that.)

Daddy )
angelicalangie: (Default)
As a sufferer of what is now termed Major Depression (used to be clinical) and on and off meds like no bodies business in the last 9 years I have a vested interest in the various subsets of illnesses that are co-morbid with the illness (Co-morbid for those who are wondering means go along with)

One of the prime examples is that of Insomnia. For anyone who has had even the briefest of glimpses into the world of the insomniac, you will know it is something to really run screaming and find yourself in the duck and cover positions or yesteryear.

For those who haven't here is what I am currently experiencing;

Eyes are sore and droopy but when closed sleep doesn't occur and they sting
Restlessnes
A sense of futility with regards to sleep
A weary feeling
heaviness of limbs and body
the feeling that each thought is gargantuan
frustration and anger at not doing the normal thing.
A sense of moving through mud right up to your neck
Marshmallow for brains.

Today I worked an early shift (and I will talk more about why I am not working it for the rest of the week latterly) This entailed getting up at 4.30am and getting to work before 6am, then working the rush hour at a busy commuter train station getting off at 1pm and going home. I got back around 2pm, and went to bed about 2.30pm I slept til 4.30pm, and I haven't slept since, oh and all this is on 1.5 hours sleep to begin with due to not sleepiong the night before (Night clubs below, open 4 days a week these days lovely)

Which gives rise tho a few ponderings of my own. I hope I can write them as succinctly as possible.

1. Which comes first Insomnia or depression in depressive patients (This could be researched via questionaires I assume)

2. With regard to EEG what are or could be the differences expereinced by insomniacs when they are in sleep mode

3. what are the effects of insmnia on depression, and vice versa, Insomnia on the worsening or the control of depression.

Personally I wish I was still at university in my late half of the second year with all that I know and have experienced I would love to do a research programme on this particualr area of psychology. And I could learn more about my depression in the bonus clumn


Work

The big elusive comment above is regarding no one knows what shift I am supposed to be on. One min I am being told one thing, the next another, which has resulted in me losing my early shift (which I was looking forward to) and gaining a second week of lates finishing at 8pm. This is pissing me off.

There are other things I can't go into, but needless to say. I am not at the moment a Happy camper.

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angelicalangie

April 2011

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