Oh god.

First it was, I am unlikely to see you wne I am at work, so it will be on the days off (Just why am I going for the week again?)

Then it was I don't want to marry, Still want to be together just dont see why we need a peice of paper so say that. (This crushed a part of me, I now feel like he doesn't love me enough to say to a crowwded or not so crowded room that he loves me to give up dating anyone else cause he found his soul mate. Could this be a problem with younger man/older woman relationships?)

Then he don't know if he'll be going to my best friends wedding with me.

I suspect he don't want kids either.

All things I do want

(no subject)

I hate relationships. I want kids a lot. and other times not so much. I have to admit the screamy part of the irritates the fuck out of me But there is part of me that freaked tonight. Mike doesn't want marriage and on great reflection it does seem a lot of hassel when you know you want to be with a person. That should be that. he also said he didn't want kids and he couldn't see it changing. That upset me greatly I do want children. But right now PMS hormones muchly affects me.

I ended up speaking with my dad and he didn't want kids at Mikes age either. Maybe things will change. who knows. Mike did say he wouldn't dump me if it accidentally happened. Even ifhe did. I would still have the kid. at least I would be in a good plaace with my education to get a good job. I know where I stand which is better than most women. And who knows maybe 5 years down the road i won't either.

Yup this smakes of hormmones to me!

(no subject)

Woke up feeling shit and that is the minor word for it. disappointment looms over me at the momnet. Maybe steph is right and he'll see two precious eyes and come round. My dad did to a degree. He didn't want kids at 19, was ambivilent at 29 and at 40 had me. Ah I dunno, I just feel shitty and tired. I should give this time, this is the only fly in the ointment perhaps time and him seeing that childrearing is different to babysitting.

I do love him, god I do, so why has this hurt almost as bad as a break-up?

situation update

just two words...


GETTING BETTER