angelicalangie

 
LAYER ONE: "PERSONAL STATS"
Name: Angela
Birth place: Croydon, Surrey (Suburb of London)
Current Location: Sitting on my bed (being mauled by my moggy)
Eye Color: Green, with brown flecks around the iris
Hair Color: BLONDE (this is why I am on occasion dumb!)
Righty or Lefty: Both. I have cross liberalization of the brain!

LAYER TWO: "ON THE INSIDE”
Your Fears: Abandonment by those I love, Not being anything enough, Insects and fire,
One Personal Goal: To be happy with myself, with my flaws and the things I like. To not be insecure or worry that I have said too much or too little.

LAYER THREE: "YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW"
Your most overused phrase: “Okay” and “I Love you” and I know I say “I Love you” because I need to feel loved. Sometimes I don't feel that – even though I am in a relationship and have been 2.5 years.
Your thoughts first waking up:”Motherfrakking alarm” or “Can I get away with more sleep” or “Is it dark still, can I sleep more?”
Your best physical feature: My lips, and my eyes.
Your bedtime: LATE as LATE as I can get away with – I am a night owl!
Your most missed memory: I miss my mummy. Actually I miss my relationship with my mum. I constantly look for it in stupid places. I want that connection, that go to person. I want the person who gets me, appreciates me and gave a damn irrespective of what I did, BACK, RFN!

LAYER FOUR: "EITHER OR…."
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
McDonald's or Burger King: Neither. Can I get me a Tuna Sub with most of the veggies though?
Single or Group Dates: I like single dates, I like being able to lose the world and get invested in a conversation. Not that my boyfriend gets this. He thinks when the eating is done, so is the converstation.
Adidas or Nike: If I am slopping about town Nike. At home barefoot – I hate socks and slippers too.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Don't know these. Just give me a breakfast tea, piping hot with milk and sometimes sugar!
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate, or vanilla with Chocolate syrup, mmmm
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee – I often need rocket fuel!

LAYER FIVE: "DO YOU…"
Shower: Yes, now what kinda dumb ass question is that. The one you wanna ask is do I bathe – rarely cause I don't have a bathtub – I miss my baths!
Brush your teeth before or after breakfast: After, cause that is when the plaque causing acidity comes about. So says colgate, what can you say – I am a sucker for the advertising
Want to get married: Yes, maybe, sometimes. When I was younger it was a firm yes – partly cause I wanted to escape my homelife (yes I really despised living with my dad that much) now I am so used to being alone that I vacillate a little
Believe in yourself: Sometimes – I am working on this
Get motion sickness: Hahaha. I used to. I used to be bad, and my year 4 teacher refused to believe I would puke up. We got to the end of the journey to whatever trip we were on and she says to me “See I told you no one ever throws up on my trips.” my reply? I threw up on her. She was a bitch of a teacher who always screamed at us, she deserved it.
Think you're a health freak: Not at all. I avoid doctors at all costs – it took pain eualling suicidal ideation to escape it to get me to the docs last time – now I go for fear of having that return. I have suffered depression before but I dunno – I feel groovy now!

LAYER SIX: "IN THE PAST MONTH"
Drunk alcohol: Yes, and boy did I learn the lesson of Carbamazepine and tiny amount of champagne at a wedding reception = five trips to the bathroom and inordinate sleepiness.
Gone to the mall: Yes. I had a pedicure and my friend paid for it. My nails are purple now!
Been on stage:Nope – should return there though.
Eaten Sushi: No.
Gone skating: Nope, not since I laughed at my boyfriend (and I was dying with laughter) for going over twice in 2 minutes on the Ice.
Dyed your hair: Not in the past month – tempted if I get a job to do it in the next month though.

LAYER SEVEN: "HAVE YOU EVER"
Played a stripping game: Nope
Gotten beaten up: Yes, I was beaten up so often in high school that in my final year that I often asked if people were ok and would repeat the question 5 minutes later not knowing I had asked it – yup concussion. Its how when I talk to a doctor about break through facial pain and I describe it as having had someone punched me in my face – I am going by experience!
Changed who you were to fit in: Tried it with boyfriends. Y'know – there really is no point to it.
Had a three-some: Nope, I think given the right person and a whole hell of a lot of trust maybe. I have had the opportunity presented by a couple of guys, and only one would I be in it for. It just happens I am not in a relationship with him, though I have been in the past.
Climbed a mountain: Not that I know of, but climbing shit is my thing
Kissed two people in the same day: Nope
Played tennis: Yes! And I rocked!
Ate a whole bag of Oreos:Nope

LAYER EIGHT: "GETTING OLDER"
Age you're hoping to be married: Que?
How do you want to die: I want to be OOOOLLLLDDD and I want it to be painless and sudden. A bit like my mother!
LAYER NINE: "IN A GIRL/GUY"
Best eye color: Don't care!
Best hair color: I used to be attracted to brunettes – now I am attracted to blondes – next it will be redheads. Doesn't this say something?
Short or long hair: short. I like to play with it, and its tactile nature

LAYER TEN: "TIMELINE"
1 MINUTE AGO: Writing this Meme
1 HOUR AGO: Apparently I think too much cause I was writing this frakking meme then too!
1 YEAR AGO: Unemployed and having just entered a Debt Relief Order – which is similar to a Bankrutcy (It is now discharged and I am thoroughly happy about it!)

LAYER ELEVEN: "THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS"
I LOVE: my friends, my family, my fandom, my music, books, and reading
I FEAR: being a human fail whale, not being loved.
I FEEL: Anxious, it's kinda default setting when you are waiting for a telephone interview
I HIDE: Nothing these dyas – take of me what you want, but you can't take my sense of self
I NEED: Security and to feel settled and a modicum control over where my life is headed.
I KNOW: There is always something worse than what ever situation I find myself in, and that it is all but a momentary aberration in time
I THINK: I hate waiting for interviews, but that I am a generally likeable person

LAYER TWELVE: "FIRSTS & LASTS"
First piercing: Ears
Last big car ride: Hmm, last time I went a long way it was Oxford, other than that the boy's sister's wedding 8 miles north of Rochester, Kent at a place called Cooling Castle Barn (really gorgeous place!
Last movie seen in theaters: I do not remember, sorry
Last food consumed: Plain brown rolls
Last drink: Shandy
Last text: My boyfriend: talking about a planned 2 night stay somewhere – any – frakking – where!
Last time clothing item bought: A cardigan

LAYER THIRTEEN: "SHORT ANSWER"
I AM: BORED!!! (And a little Anxious)
I SING: All the time – it keeps my depression at bay!
I AM ALWAYS: Breathing (Yes Liz I nicked that one) Over-Analysing
I SPRAY: Chanel No 5 Eau Premier (nicer than the original IMO)

LAYER FOURTEEN: "FAVORITES"
Number: 9
Color: Purple
Day & Time: Late evening
Month: Do not have one
Pizza: Meat Feast pizza from Pizza Hut mmmm mmmm

LAYER FIFTEEN: IN THE LAST 2 DAYS, HAVE YOU…
Cried? Nope
Helped someone? When do I not?
Gotten sick? No
Gone to the movies? No
Talked to an ex? No
Missed an ex? Nope, not at all
Written in a diary? Does an online Journal count as diary?
Had a serious talk? Yes
Hugged anyone? Yes

This entry is an ever evolving list of all the vids I have ever made. As I upload them I aim to add them to this list. If you have any recommendations for songs to cover - please leave them in the comments. Comments are always welcomed and in fact asked for (just be nice :) )

I now have a new ship Racetrack/Helo - good gods where does that even come from? My original was and always be Helo/Sharon, 2nd is Kara/Lee - though it is the one I write third is even Zak/Kara (and that has to really be pre- mini for me) But a non canonical no tip of the hat to pairing WTF x1000


Other than that Sunday is a thoroughly boring day when it is superbowl sunday :(

 I am telling you now they are only reduced and cropped there is nothing fancy here

                      


                        



I know there is a lot of Jamie Bamber here, but he is eminently fanciable so :P


And because I am sick - and I did find this paint!sex scene beyond the motherfrakking hot. (I also have a thing for Callum Keith Rennie - have done since Due South *Purrs*)




I will be doing some for my other fandoms - at some point!

No I am not all stabbity. I figured that was something that would be worth stating right now. But yeah, I had an issue this week, and it bleed everywhere. My boyfriend, who seriously makes the tedium of unemployment bearable, had to traipse off to Dundee, in gloriously fucked up and freezing Scotland. So on Sunday I said farewell and that day I was ok. But Monday and Tuesday were hell on Earth. I got a few texts and a couple 30 second chats before he went to bed, but nothing else. And suddenly I felt alone. Added to this trying to enter any conversations with any friends over the last couple of days has not been fun - mostly cause very few people responded to me. My sense of isolation and loneliness went sky high and well everyone got to see me losing the plot on twitter. Which has me worried - I thought I was a little more stable and durable than this.

In Other News

So everyone knows my state of employment or not, a couple of things are happening for me in that regards so lets bullet point and try to explain them a little.

• I have been referred to a company called Ingeus - A company that helps people get back into work. They seem to be a great place, and I did walk out really optimistic that they would cover the things I needed that the government have overlooked completely. They seem good, I hope that the next six months are high yield in terms of opportunities.
• I am going to be starting a training course in Business Administration - this is important because at least now I can have a steady progression and not face the rest of my life is pathetic dead end jobs.

Hopefully these two things will mean that I can start looking at things like entry level career jobs (the kind everyone seems so invested in) What is a career anyway? Is it staying in one field for the rest of my life or is it different jobs with a thread between them? I give up trying to define anything. 

Yes, yes it is that scene once more. But the take on it is fresh and funny - a must see for all.

 
So having a conversation with shansgrl  WE start talking about what mind sluts we are (i.e. in our mind the men that given an infinite amount of time would not be able to walk for month after a few hours with us.)

BEWARE THIS IS AN IMAGE HEAVY POST OF DROOL WORTHY MEN. (Abucket will be provided, bring your own smelling salts!)

So following this I present you my list of must do men. (I admit it - I have a thing for Canadian men - seriously count them here. What do they feed these boys?)

( Here there be pics of my favourite men! )

 Or even wanted to interject it into a fic (though be careful there, get a Brit to look it over or you could have a comedic entry not a serious drama fic on your hands) Here is your one stop shop for all things Brit Slang

http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

 I am not normally one to sit and throw everything out in the open, but sometimes I wind up not knowing what else to do. Right now I hate myself. Right now I am doubting my relationship, and my worthiness to be loved, right now I believe everything my father ever said about me, and right now I am terrified I am becoming him.

Last night for the first time I seriously slapped my boyfriend on the shoulder as hard as I could (I may have pulled my slap a little I dunno any more). I was so angry I couldn't have stopped myself if I tried. I had spent an hour on a bus journey that takes 30 mins usually, for half an hour of that journey I was receiving calls every five minutes along the lines of “where are you?” Which made me feel defensive, then when I got to my rendezvous we had a row – to which I stormed off, too cool down, I called him over and I said to get on with getting to the restaurant a couple mins down the street.

The next thing I heard was him saying was “If you are going to dawdle and waste my time them I'm going in here.” Here being a computer games store. I looked at him as he walked in and asked “What are you doing?” and he said well it's not like you are walking anywhere in specific.” I lost my temper, and slapped him (he was wearing a big thick wool coat – so he never felt much - according to him).

I cooled off explained what I had been trying to do before his sojourn into the gaming store and we went down to the restaurant. Whilst he was getting the drinks I made the decision that I should break up with him. He deserves better than that. So when he came back, I told him to sit down and calmly (as much as you can be when there are tears involved.)

I explained that I couldn't make a promise that I was never going to do it again, I couldn't see the future and if I had done it once, then there was every chance I was going to do it again. I also explained that it was something that my father would have done to me, were he angry – and that I was terrified that I was turning into him and that if I were, I would only ever escalate.

He sat and smiled at me, then laughed and said it didn't hurt. That he probably deserved it, that he hadn't listened and it was his fault. Then he proceeded to tell me I couldn't become my father I'm the wrong sex (think literal and you get my boyfriends thinking – he was trying to make light of the whole thing). I was crying and he forgave me – and I feel it was unforgivable. As it stands we are still together.

I have been a mess today. I spoke about it with a friend and she said she's done the same to her husband, and that it was okay to do so. But, really, is it? If we saw a guy doing it to a woman we would be all over him in a New York minute for abuse, so why is there this double standard. I sure as hell don't hold me to it – notice me hating myself here.

I still hate me for this. I can't promise I won't do it again. I never have before, but I dunno about the future now that I have. I spoke to him about it half an hour ago and he was all “I'm over it, so should you be.” and “It doesn't matter and it wasn't even that hard.” but does that matter, how hard a hit is? Would we say the same to a man? No we would tell the girl to cut and run. Instead I am being told it is okay and I know it isn't. I gave him the option to walk away. |And he refuted it, and now says we are all right, that it means nothing.

I have all his forgiveness, I have my friends forgiveness, but really should I be forgiven for such an act. I am guilty of (technically) assault. Shouldn't I be in the dock with the other abusers? Shouldn't I be vilified and hated. I am no better than any wife beater in my mind … what about yours?

I am ill again - I am certain it has gone to my chest via my throat.

And what am I doing?

Seeing my via travel - I am death warmed up and carrying a laptop gah!