Through A Candle's Flame 5/6
Feb. 4th, 2007 01:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
angelicalangieChapter Five
All relevant information can be found in chapter One
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my mother who died October 27th 2004, she wanted to read this story, but time, fate and God were against her.
Chapter Five.
Preparations had to be made, equipment put in boxes, plans finalised. Sam was in her lab once more. Her equipment was already in its box, already stacked with the myriad of books Daniel intended to take with them to translate.
“Samantha.”
Sam’s head shot up. Some distractions really weren’t unwelcome. “Martouf.” She became mesmerised by the coolness of his eyes belying the warmth of his personality. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
“I thought perhaps we should talk some more.”
“Oh.” She slumped slightly. “Perhaps we should do this in my base quarters; they are a little more comfortable than this.”
“If you will feel more comfortable there, than by all means.”
They walked in silence to Sam’s quarters. It wasn’t far to the sparse, but warmly painted room that served as her quarters. Similar in design to quarters offered to the guests of the SGC, it had a mahogany bed, a small mahogany table, and a microwave.
“These are nice quarters. It is pleasant to think of you in such a warm place, your superiors have decorated it well for you.”
“I did it myself.” Sam said, looking at her quarters. “I asked permission, of course, but I wanted a space of my own.”
Martouf looked at her in a new light. “You did well, my love.” Sam paled. “Was it too soon? You did tell most of a briefing room you loved me.”
“I know.” She looked at the floor; she had no idea of what to do.
“I should leave you alone, it was wrong of me to bring this up.” Martouf felt desolate; he was not the only person feeling it either.
“No! I never acknowledged my feelings for you and you died. Hell, I never acknowledged that I loved Lantash and he died, also. I loved both of you and losing both of you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live with because I had to walk away each time. You were integral to me, and I’ve never told either of you how I felt, so the least I can do is acknowledge it now.”
“It was the one thing he wanted to know,” Martouf said quietly.
“And I never had the integrity to tell him whilst he was alive. Now he is dead. I hold so much regret over that. That I never gave him the peace of mind that his feelings were reciprocated. It’s one of the worst regrets of my life.” Tears coursed down her cheeks, and Martouf felt useless; he could no more wipe away her tears than he could alter her feelings.
“He knew then as he does now.”
Sam looked up. “What?” Her voice was quiet, like a child’s.
“He is with me. Lt. Elliot ascended. Oma is, most of the time, everywhere, it seems. She offered Lt. Elliot the opportunity to ascend as he had given his life to save others, and Lantash ascended also. Lt. Elliot then asked for Lantash to return to me, which was something both apparently wanted. Elliot felt that it was something Lantash deserved.”
Sam sank onto her bed and breathed heavily. Her mind was a blur, a haze of either everything going through too fast, or nothing at all in her mind. Relief that Elliot and Lantash had in some manner survived coursed through her. Lantash was blended with Martouf?
“You said Elliot asked for Lantash to be given back to you?”
“Yes.”
“Did that happen?”
“Yes. Lantash hasn’t wanted to come out just yet. He was afraid of rejection. He believed it was just me that you had developed feelings for. He is very passionate, while also being somewhat shy. If you can remember, when we were alive, it was mostly me doing the talking,” Martouf said, laughing
Lantash shouted at Martouf. Martouf winced, he may well have ascended, but Lantash could still make his head hurt.
“Are you okay?” Sam’s voice carried concern. She got up and went to touch Martouf only for her hand to go through him. Well that was disturbing.
Martouf smiled. “I am fine. Lantash, quiet though he is on the outside, is a little loud on the inside. He is very happy that you returned his feelings, Samantha. He feared you didn’t. He knew in his last hours that you cared deeply.
“I’m so sorry.” Sam turned her back and began crying. Lantash, seeing this woman so distraught, took over from Martouf.
“Please, do not cry. It may have taken a while for your affections to be aired, but I am glad that you have now voiced them and to know that they are true. I would rather that, than they were aired while I was dying and proven to be false, provided only in the comforting of a dying being.” Lantash suddenly understood how useless Martouf had felt. He desired to wrap hold the upset woman in front of him, with tears running down her face silent and unchecked, in his arms and to kiss and comfort her. There were times he hated being ascended, and times he wished to be mortal and a physical being once more.
* * *
Sam slept fitfully, memories of the past haunted her. In her mind the battle still raged. They had been deployed to the ruins that Daniel believed housed a repository. It had been there that they found Martouf waiting for them. After Martouf guided SG-1 to the repository that had been manipulated Jack had placed his head in it. The group of intrepid explorers watched whilst Jack endured an experience he would rather not have. Nothing really could prepare for what those things did, but all the while Sam took energy reading and marvelled at how much energy it took.
“Since this particular transfer is limited it will mean there is enough energy to manipulate the probable weapon under your Antarctic shelf.” Martouf said to Sam as they heard the whine of engines. A few moments later Jack hit the ground and the transfer was complete. They heard the first evidence of weapons fire and running for the gate, they encountered the blasts. Were they any closer the staff blasts from gliders would have lifted them off of their feet.
They returned home only to be told, while still standing on the ramp, that they were to go straight to McMurdo. NASA had sighted Anubis’s fleet of ships and Earths last hope resided with the Ancient device uncovered in Antarctica. The journey was long in many respects, but in others it was too short. Sam’s mind was on other things, in different places and even times, some she had lived in, some Jolinar had left her. Before she knew it they had touched down and were talking to the Tok’ra about their operation. But Sam listened to none of it. When it came to Martouf, she could no longer compartmentalise.
Her thoughts ran wild ‘We all want to know the future.’ She thought, ‘Those that don’t are naïve or the unhurt. With Martouf, I knew that one of us could die, I never dreamt it would be me killing him, so when it happened, I ignored it. I ignored the pain and the situation. When he returned; the pain hit me like a freight train.
I want to know the future. Do we die? Is their a place for me and Martouf? Can love with an ascended being work?
The battle has begun and is raging over head with losses on either side, no doubt. ... I feel such distance, as if I am not even a part of the battle. ’
Jack sat in the chair and as it suddenly activated, each member of the team, as well as several Tok’ra, stepped back. Not with fear, but with astonishment. Sam was quiet, but rapt, all other thoughts were eliminated by this development as hundreds of glowing… orbs? Soared upwards, and towards the sky, so many that Sam had to shield her eyes, the light so bight. Then total radio silence. Minutes, that felt like eternities, one after the other, passed before they heard General Hammonds voice. Anubis was defeated, presumed dead.
* * *
For what Martouf had always believed to be ephemeral beings, they had a rather physical existence. They themselves were much like the Tok’ra in that they had a council of elders. And it was to them that Martouf now made a request.
“You do realise this is a permanent procedure normally used as a punishment, not that we haven’t considered it.” A man younger looking than Jack O’Neill stated.
“I do, but this is my only option.”
“We can’t decide this immediately.” The man said.
“When will I know?” Martouf asked, a frown furrowing his brow. He wasn’t worried, but things had a habit of just ‘happening’.
“You will know when the process is complete,” was all that was said by a female member of the council.
Oma Desala, who had been standing by her protégé gently placed her hand on the small of his back. “Come, you won’t get anything else from them.”
“Why did you do it? Why did you help me to ascend? You you always ended up in so much trouble for the others, none so much as Daniel. Why did you help me? And why are you helping me now?” Martouf asked, sitting on a bench in a place that looked much like an Earth park, something Sam had once shown him.
“You sacrificed yourself, for the greater good. It was a quality I thought we should have here.” Oma said, looking at Martouf honestly.
Martouf looked at her. “Thank you.” They sat in silence, nothing was left for either of them to say. “I think I want to be alone for a little while.” Martouf was unusually quiet. Thoughts of what the future may or may not hold played out in his mind, some leaving him uneasy. Others filled him with joy.
* * *
Sam sat in the helicopter watching the debris of so many of the sraft used in close quarters battle. Aerial burns scared the pure Ice forever now on the white field of the Antarctic ice field. Many of her fellow Air Force colleagues were being moved off in stretchers, many seriously injured, a few gravely so. Thus was the price of the safety of the world paid. How many children were now minus a parent because of this fight? If she ever had children, would she want her career? On the opposing hand, if the fight hadn’t been fought they would all either be dead, in which case there would be no children ever again, or they would all be on their knees bowing in slavery. Neither thought was too appealing.
The flight to Australia was short, and from there they were loaded up to long haul carriers and flown to the States. She didn’t think, her mind during the flight was blank, occupied by any other thought other than the battle she had on some level been participating in. She hadn’t, in her mind, been part of this fight, but the feeling flowing through her was the same as if she had taken part in days long fire-fights. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to accept what she had been though, or perhaps because she wasn’t in the direct front line she was on the periphery. She looked at Jack who was reading a report he had been given in Australia. Daniel was sitting and just staring at the ground. He was obviously thinking, and Sam wondered about what, whether it was all the battles he had been a part of or something else. Teal’c sat stoically looking into the middle distance. To a casual observer prone to localised blindness, he would have appeared to be at parade rest. It was only in the slump of his shoulders that told you he, too, was exhausted by all he had seen and been through. Perhaps they would be allowed a few hours down time when they returned to the SGC. Sam’s eyes returned to the aircraft and its dingy green walls. Nothing changed there either.
Relaxation however wasn’t on the SGC’s list of priorities. or rather those within the American government, who knew of the Stargate programme would want to know everything, which meant hours of tedious reports, both written and verbal. Sam sat talking it through until her throat hurt. They gave her a drink to sooth her throat and continued unabated. After five hours, they were finally through with her. They had many groups of interrogators, so they had interrogated SG-1 simultaneously. Sam made a move to go to her quarters on base, only to see Jack in the corridor waiting for her.
“Hey.” He ran his hand through his hair and seemed like he was finally winding down. “Me, Daniel and Teal’c are going for a drink, and it isn’t fair to leave our resident genius out of the loop, so what do you say? You can take me for all the money at pool again.”
Sam looked at her superior officer and something her father had told her when she was younger came flitting back to her memory’s surface “When your superior asks you to do something as a group, treat it as an order, Sammy.” She sighed, all she wanted was some sleep, exhaustion was a difficult thing to get along with but knowing that she would seem surly if she told him how she felt, she quickly agreed.
The night passed in a riot of noise and jokes, the usual way men covered their insecurities. This was all she had been left with now that Janet was dead. Sam still couldn’t believe that last year they had been celebrating her birthday, this year she was gone, no birthdays, and no celebrations. Nothing accorded to the living was accorded the dead and that was something she had hated from the moment her mother had died.
All Sam wanted was a bed; it didn’t even have to be comfortable. Just somewhere oblivion could over take her.
They were talking up Jack as a hero, no details of course, to a waitress. Jack was doing his best to appear modest, but really he was gaining an ego boost from it, Sam smiled thinking of it, she couldn’t fault him for it, it was one of those rare times that praise and accolades were really earnt, and Jack had definitely earnt it. Sam smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and eyed the pool table.
“Oh, no, Sam, I am not near drunk enough to be beat by a girl in a game of pool.”
And there it was. She was the girl. Not one of the gang, or even a friend. She was smart and capable and that was what she wanted to be appreciated for. She had, had it twice, one had died, the other, well he was in Antarctica, helping the other Tok’ra, both were from that group of aliens. Perhaps age helped men understand women were their equals, or maybe human men never would understand it. Their egos were so fragile that they felt the need to constantly take care of the woman to the point of making her obsolete. Unless, of course, it was something they didn’t want to do. She rubbed her hand over her face. She didn’t want to be here; she was going to leave.
“I’m sorry guys, but I have to go. I’m tired, and I haven’t slept in days. I’m the one person you don’t need for company right now,” She said, standing and placing a twenty dollar bill for drinks she hadn’t drunk.
“Oh now come on, Sam, the night is young. We haven’t even played pool,” Jack said, almost whining like a kid.
“Well, hey, chalk this one up to a game you won. You can tell everyone on base you finally won, and I’ll back you up in the morning.” She really wanted out of the alcohol air, the perfume fumes, and loud jarring laughter a group of college girls in the corner of the restaurant were emitting.
“Do you need someone to drive you to the base?” Daniel asked, concern for his friend tingeing his voice.
“Oh, come one Danny, not you too.” Daniel blushed, he hated being put on the spot, but it looked like he didn’t especially want to be in the room either.
“That would be nice,” Sam said, smiling at him. She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair as did Daniel, and they walked out together. As soon as they opened the door, they felt the blast of cold air hit their faces. The temperature had dropped, and no matter how warm the day had been, there was little of that now in evidence.
They moved to the car, and neither talked for five minutes until Sam broke the silence. “It was her birthday today.” She stared ahead of her, seeing nothing.
“I was waiting for you to say that, I know you two were very close. Are you ok?” Daniel said, briefly looking at his passenger, but maintaining some focus on the road.
“It’s not fair, not after all the lives she saved. Hell, she even helped to build one for Cassie and that was how she went?” She hadn’t said anything about it for months. She was always a little too busy, but tonight there was no tangible threat to earth, and even the thought of Martouf wasn’t helping to distract her.
“Perhaps it was better this way, than some long, lingering death. She would have hated that, you know.” Of course Daniel would have known that about her. They had been having a discreet liaison for a while, no one was supposed to know, and no one had. He had grieved alone, or would have had Sam not known. Daniel had stayed at her house a lot in the first month after Janet’s death.
“I’m sorry to drag this up.” Sam now felt bad; she didn’t mean to make Daniel suffer.
“You didn’t grieved while I was, did you?” Daniel said quietly.
“No, not really, you needed a friend, someone strong to help you.” Daniel smiled. She was self-sacrificing to the last. A true friend.
Cheyenne Mountain was coming up fast, and both of them knew they would soon be parting company. They didn’t have too long left to say anything of consequence that night.
“If you want to quietly grieve, and take your time, she wouldn’t be angry, but she would get pissed if you stayed in one place with your life. The one thing she wanted people to learn from her was to be brave enough to attempt something, even if you ended up failing.” Sam looked up at Daniel, tears drifting down her face and smiled.
“She was like that wasn’t she? She was never really afraid of anything. Saved our hides so many times, that attitude, too. If someone said, you can’t, she said, well, we’ll see. Everything was open to be tried, and try she did. Made her a great friend. I miss her.” The car fell silent and Daniel reached for his pass. They had made it to the complex, and Sam hadn’t even noticed.
They were waved through that checkpoint and then through a few more security checks before they reached the parking area. All in silence, quietly reflecting on a remarkable woman. Daniel parked at the car park and allowed Sam to get out.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Sam smiled tiredly, running her hands through her hair. She sighed with a loud exhale of air. “Yes. I’m gonna bunk down in my base quarters and get a good long sleep.” She smiled and rolled her shoulders. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Night, Daniel.” She smiled wanly again and walked off through the doors to the Cheyenne Mountain complex.
The journey to her quarters seemed to take far longer than it did during the day. Sam shrugged to herself, perhaps time was different if you were emotional or tired. She ran her hands over her face. Several of her colleagues saw her and smiled, and she smiled wearily, distracted by tiredness. Reaching her quarters, she swiped her card and entered.
Greeted by darkness, she moved around putting on the minimal of lighting needed to change into the t-shirt and shorts she kept for when she had to stay on base. Brushing her teeth she looked at herself, but saw nothing. Her mind was whirring so fast that nothing was registering, and a blank glazed look settled over her face. Finishing up, she threw cold water over her face, towelled it off, and moved to her bed. She sat on the side and already closing her eyes, she took off her watch and socks before swinging her legs onto the bed and lying down.
* * *
Her alarm went off rousing her from a warm and seductive dream. Turning over with a sigh, she almost fell off the bed, in alarm; there was a man in her bed.
“Who are you?” She yelled jumping out of the bed, staring at the slumbering, naked figure in her bed. She knew she hadn’t drunk enough to have picked up someone, and looking at herself she saw she was in sleep clothes. So who was playing a joke? The still sleeping male turned over, and as she had taken the only blanket on the bed, he was left draped in a sheet. Her jaw dropped. She knew the man, and had dreamt that night of him.
She stood there for moments or minutes, she had no clue as to which. Slowly, the man stirred and opened his eyes to see Sam.
“Samantha.” It was so quietly said that she almost hadn’t heard it. “Samantha? What are you doing here, how are you here?” Glancing around his jaw dropped whilst Samantha’s eyes boggled. Sitting up he tried to say something that fit the circumstance, but nothing came to mind. He looked down at his lack of clothing and a blush rose up. He spoke quietly.
“It must have worked.”
As the words hung in the air, Samantha was puzzled and Martouf began wrapping the material of the sheet around his body, more for her than for his own modesty. Prior to joining forces with the Tok’Ra, he had been a part of a culture that hadn’t been encumbered with modesty.
“Just what are you talking about?” Samantha asked, confusion colouring her voice.
“I asked the Ancients to make me mortal again, my Samantha,” he said as he walked to her. She stood frozen her eyes wide, almost disbelieving that the opportunity to have this man had landed in her lap. “I spent an eternity…
“Four years, 6 months, and 7 days.” Samantha interjected.
“An eternity, and for a while I was content. I knew you would be safe, you were to smart to be captured, you had Jolinar and Rosha’s tenacity within you along side your own intellect. But then I saw that you still loved me and I needed to see you. After that, I heard about the problems you were having with Anubis, and I needed to help. I needed to be with you. I thought just being around you would be enough, but soon it became clear that I needed to touch you, to physically be near you.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed.
Samantha stood looking at the man who had sacrificed so much just to touch her. “You sacrificed … that much to… to…” She couldn’t comprehend it.
“To be able to hold you in our arms. And really it wasn’t that much. Not to us, at least. He smiled up at her.
“So, now what? Do you go back to the Tok’Ra? There have been some large changes there.” Samantha paced while she talked. “Do you remain here with the SGC.? There are an amazing amount of questions to be answered.”
“I had thought to put them off for a while and enjoy touching you.” Martouf grinned like a young boy.
“And what about Lantash? How does he feel?” Samantha said.
Martouf lowered his head for a moment, when his head rose he spoke in the more husky tones of Lantash. “We are both in agreement. We wasted much too much time delaying anything last time.” Lantash, unlike Martouf, was bold and intuitive, and he searched Samantha’s eyes searching for what her answer might be.
A loud beeping noise distracted them both. Samantha, relieved at the reprieve, walked over to her alarm clock and shut it off before the beeps gave her a pounding headache.
“What was that, is it a warning of some kind?” Lantash spoke, breaking the silence.
“No, it was an alarm to tell me to get up and ready for a days work. I have a briefing in an hour. I need to get dressed.” And there was the crux of their problem. Where she had gotten undressed alone, she now wasn’t. Wrapping the blanket around her tighter, she went to her wardrobe and grabbed some BDU’s. Glancing at Martouf, she realised that he would have a problem. Glancing at him again, she guestimated that he was roughly Daniel’s size. She made a mental note to call him and get some clothes for Martouf. Smiling she said, “I’m just going in this room to get dressed and I’ll be out in a few minutes.” Sheepishly, she dived into the room leaving a rather bemused Martouf.
A short thirty minutes later, Samantha came out of the room with her hair still damp, but dressed. “I’m going to get you something to wear,” She explained as she picked up the phone and quickly she dialled Daniel.
“Hi Daniel…No I haven’t read that paper, and yes I did have a good night’s sleep…Look, Daniel, something has come up….No, I am not sick, just let me talk…Sorry I didn’t mean to snap…Yes, we can talk about that later. Listen, Martouf has descended…Excuse me but that was my ear.” She was smiling, so Martouf began to relax again as they both loved Samantha’s smile. They listened as her conversation continued. “Well if you let me get a word in edgeways, and leave my hearing at only slightly impaired, I’ll tell you why I called. Do you remember what you were wearing the last time you descended? …Exactly my point. Right, thank you.”
She replaced the receiver and laughed at the end of the conversation. Daniel really was like a brother to her, and there was a small part the enjoyed teasing him at times. “He’ll be along shortly.” She quickly ran a brush through and a hairdryer over her hair and was just finishing putting them away when there was a knock on her door. “And that, will be Daniel,” she said.
“So, how is he? Can he remember anything?” Daniel said quietly, as he stood on the threshold holding a bundle of clothing.
“Yes, he doesn’t seem to be suffering the amnesia you did.” Sam waved him in and closed the door quietly behind her.
“Hello, Daniel,” Martouf said. “Yes, my memory and that of Lantash are fully functioning. Because of the mind control the Goa’uld used on me, the Ancients, or the gate-builders, decided not to erase my memory.” Daniel smiled.
“Ah right, well, erm, yeah. These are yours, erm, don’t worry about bringing them back to me. I think I had better get back, because Jack is likely to swing by my office,” Daniel said.
“You’ve been here all night?” Samantha asked.
“Yeah, didn’t see much point in returning home, and you still didn’t tell me why you came here, and not your house. It would have been more direct a route from the restaurant than Cheyenne”
“Well I wanted to lie in as much as possible, and being on base makes that possible. And I didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to have the memories and dreams of battle invade there as well.” Sam said, by way of explanation. They were by the door and Daniel’s hand was curled around the handle.
“As I said, I better go. We have a briefing in 30, so I’ll see you then.” Daniel opened the door and ducked out quickly. Looking back into the room Samantha saw why. Martouf had began throwing the clothes on and had lost all sense of modesty in the meantime.
“We’ll have to go to the briefing together and announce your ‘arrival’,” Sam said to Martouf, as he finished by putting the shirt on over the plain black T-Shirt.
“Oh.” His face fell, and he had the sinking feeling he wouldn’t be getting much alone time with Samantha that day.
* * *
They were the first to enter the empty briefing room. Sitting down together they looked at one another. They both wore frowns. This could go one of two ways. And if it went wrong, it might just go wrong for future alliances with the Tok’Ra
The General who usually looked where he was going, was distractedly reading SG-11’s report when he tripped on the last stair as he came up from the gate room. Martouf was the first out of his seat and helped the man up. “Thank you… Martouf?” He was startled. “I thought Ascended beings were ephemeral beings?” The general said, smiling graciously at the more solid man before him.
Soon the men of SG-1 walked into the briefing room. First Teal’c who sat down at the table in typical stoic fashion, after bowing slightly to Martouf and the General. Daniel, was surprisingly not the last to appear. He had ulterior motives in wanting to see Jacks face when Martouf sat down in a seat. Jack was the final person to enter the room, glaring at Martouf he sat in his seat. Shortly after, Martouf, who had remained standing after helping the General sat also, Jacks jaw dropped.
“Colonel O’Neill, is there a problem?” General Hammond asked sternly.
“Well no, not if an ascended being can touch things and it be considered normal, then no there is no problem.” Jack said, still staring at Martouf.
“I have returned to the mortal plains of existence,” Martouf clarified.
“Oh.” Both Daniel and Teal’c smiled slightly.
“Well people we are here to discuss what to do about Martouf’s return, and where he is staying, and also when we tell the Tok’Ra, that is assuming you wish to return to the Tok’Ra. And also SG-1’s planned trip to P3X 395.”
Just as Samantha got up to speak, the alarms went off and sergeant Davis’s voice rang out. “Incoming traveller.” The six person group walked briskly down the stairs to the control room where Davis elaborated “Tok’Ra IDC, sir.”
“Well open the iris, son.” General Hammond said gently, as though coaxing a child.
The figure walked through the event horizon as though taking an everyday stroll through a park. Samantha’s face broke out into a grin at the recognition of the first of two men who had come though, running out of the room, disregarding all regulations, she ran to the gate room. “Dad, how are you? Is everything ok?”
“Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. Let an old man recover from the trip.” Jacob said smiling.
“Are you alright, Dad?” Sam was now concerned.
“He is perfectly fine, he passed his last medical.” The other visitor said.
“Thank you, Malek, couldn’t let me pull the wool over my daughters eyes, huh.” Jacob said laughing.
“Everything is ok then, this is semi social call then?” Samantha said.
“Not exactly, Sam, there is something I need to ask of you,” Jacob said cryptically.
TBC
All relevant information can be found in chapter One
This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my mother who died October 27th 2004, she wanted to read this story, but time, fate and God were against her.
Chapter Five.
Preparations had to be made, equipment put in boxes, plans finalised. Sam was in her lab once more. Her equipment was already in its box, already stacked with the myriad of books Daniel intended to take with them to translate.
“Samantha.”
Sam’s head shot up. Some distractions really weren’t unwelcome. “Martouf.” She became mesmerised by the coolness of his eyes belying the warmth of his personality. “I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”
“I thought perhaps we should talk some more.”
“Oh.” She slumped slightly. “Perhaps we should do this in my base quarters; they are a little more comfortable than this.”
“If you will feel more comfortable there, than by all means.”
They walked in silence to Sam’s quarters. It wasn’t far to the sparse, but warmly painted room that served as her quarters. Similar in design to quarters offered to the guests of the SGC, it had a mahogany bed, a small mahogany table, and a microwave.
“These are nice quarters. It is pleasant to think of you in such a warm place, your superiors have decorated it well for you.”
“I did it myself.” Sam said, looking at her quarters. “I asked permission, of course, but I wanted a space of my own.”
Martouf looked at her in a new light. “You did well, my love.” Sam paled. “Was it too soon? You did tell most of a briefing room you loved me.”
“I know.” She looked at the floor; she had no idea of what to do.
“I should leave you alone, it was wrong of me to bring this up.” Martouf felt desolate; he was not the only person feeling it either.
“No! I never acknowledged my feelings for you and you died. Hell, I never acknowledged that I loved Lantash and he died, also. I loved both of you and losing both of you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live with because I had to walk away each time. You were integral to me, and I’ve never told either of you how I felt, so the least I can do is acknowledge it now.”
“It was the one thing he wanted to know,” Martouf said quietly.
“And I never had the integrity to tell him whilst he was alive. Now he is dead. I hold so much regret over that. That I never gave him the peace of mind that his feelings were reciprocated. It’s one of the worst regrets of my life.” Tears coursed down her cheeks, and Martouf felt useless; he could no more wipe away her tears than he could alter her feelings.
“He knew then as he does now.”
Sam looked up. “What?” Her voice was quiet, like a child’s.
“He is with me. Lt. Elliot ascended. Oma is, most of the time, everywhere, it seems. She offered Lt. Elliot the opportunity to ascend as he had given his life to save others, and Lantash ascended also. Lt. Elliot then asked for Lantash to return to me, which was something both apparently wanted. Elliot felt that it was something Lantash deserved.”
Sam sank onto her bed and breathed heavily. Her mind was a blur, a haze of either everything going through too fast, or nothing at all in her mind. Relief that Elliot and Lantash had in some manner survived coursed through her. Lantash was blended with Martouf?
“You said Elliot asked for Lantash to be given back to you?”
“Yes.”
“Did that happen?”
“Yes. Lantash hasn’t wanted to come out just yet. He was afraid of rejection. He believed it was just me that you had developed feelings for. He is very passionate, while also being somewhat shy. If you can remember, when we were alive, it was mostly me doing the talking,” Martouf said, laughing
Lantash shouted at Martouf. Martouf winced, he may well have ascended, but Lantash could still make his head hurt.
“Are you okay?” Sam’s voice carried concern. She got up and went to touch Martouf only for her hand to go through him. Well that was disturbing.
Martouf smiled. “I am fine. Lantash, quiet though he is on the outside, is a little loud on the inside. He is very happy that you returned his feelings, Samantha. He feared you didn’t. He knew in his last hours that you cared deeply.
“I’m so sorry.” Sam turned her back and began crying. Lantash, seeing this woman so distraught, took over from Martouf.
“Please, do not cry. It may have taken a while for your affections to be aired, but I am glad that you have now voiced them and to know that they are true. I would rather that, than they were aired while I was dying and proven to be false, provided only in the comforting of a dying being.” Lantash suddenly understood how useless Martouf had felt. He desired to wrap hold the upset woman in front of him, with tears running down her face silent and unchecked, in his arms and to kiss and comfort her. There were times he hated being ascended, and times he wished to be mortal and a physical being once more.
* * *
Sam slept fitfully, memories of the past haunted her. In her mind the battle still raged. They had been deployed to the ruins that Daniel believed housed a repository. It had been there that they found Martouf waiting for them. After Martouf guided SG-1 to the repository that had been manipulated Jack had placed his head in it. The group of intrepid explorers watched whilst Jack endured an experience he would rather not have. Nothing really could prepare for what those things did, but all the while Sam took energy reading and marvelled at how much energy it took.
“Since this particular transfer is limited it will mean there is enough energy to manipulate the probable weapon under your Antarctic shelf.” Martouf said to Sam as they heard the whine of engines. A few moments later Jack hit the ground and the transfer was complete. They heard the first evidence of weapons fire and running for the gate, they encountered the blasts. Were they any closer the staff blasts from gliders would have lifted them off of their feet.
They returned home only to be told, while still standing on the ramp, that they were to go straight to McMurdo. NASA had sighted Anubis’s fleet of ships and Earths last hope resided with the Ancient device uncovered in Antarctica. The journey was long in many respects, but in others it was too short. Sam’s mind was on other things, in different places and even times, some she had lived in, some Jolinar had left her. Before she knew it they had touched down and were talking to the Tok’ra about their operation. But Sam listened to none of it. When it came to Martouf, she could no longer compartmentalise.
Her thoughts ran wild ‘We all want to know the future.’ She thought, ‘Those that don’t are naïve or the unhurt. With Martouf, I knew that one of us could die, I never dreamt it would be me killing him, so when it happened, I ignored it. I ignored the pain and the situation. When he returned; the pain hit me like a freight train.
I want to know the future. Do we die? Is their a place for me and Martouf? Can love with an ascended being work?
The battle has begun and is raging over head with losses on either side, no doubt. ... I feel such distance, as if I am not even a part of the battle. ’
Jack sat in the chair and as it suddenly activated, each member of the team, as well as several Tok’ra, stepped back. Not with fear, but with astonishment. Sam was quiet, but rapt, all other thoughts were eliminated by this development as hundreds of glowing… orbs? Soared upwards, and towards the sky, so many that Sam had to shield her eyes, the light so bight. Then total radio silence. Minutes, that felt like eternities, one after the other, passed before they heard General Hammonds voice. Anubis was defeated, presumed dead.
* * *
For what Martouf had always believed to be ephemeral beings, they had a rather physical existence. They themselves were much like the Tok’ra in that they had a council of elders. And it was to them that Martouf now made a request.
“You do realise this is a permanent procedure normally used as a punishment, not that we haven’t considered it.” A man younger looking than Jack O’Neill stated.
“I do, but this is my only option.”
“We can’t decide this immediately.” The man said.
“When will I know?” Martouf asked, a frown furrowing his brow. He wasn’t worried, but things had a habit of just ‘happening’.
“You will know when the process is complete,” was all that was said by a female member of the council.
Oma Desala, who had been standing by her protégé gently placed her hand on the small of his back. “Come, you won’t get anything else from them.”
“Why did you do it? Why did you help me to ascend? You you always ended up in so much trouble for the others, none so much as Daniel. Why did you help me? And why are you helping me now?” Martouf asked, sitting on a bench in a place that looked much like an Earth park, something Sam had once shown him.
“You sacrificed yourself, for the greater good. It was a quality I thought we should have here.” Oma said, looking at Martouf honestly.
Martouf looked at her. “Thank you.” They sat in silence, nothing was left for either of them to say. “I think I want to be alone for a little while.” Martouf was unusually quiet. Thoughts of what the future may or may not hold played out in his mind, some leaving him uneasy. Others filled him with joy.
* * *
Sam sat in the helicopter watching the debris of so many of the sraft used in close quarters battle. Aerial burns scared the pure Ice forever now on the white field of the Antarctic ice field. Many of her fellow Air Force colleagues were being moved off in stretchers, many seriously injured, a few gravely so. Thus was the price of the safety of the world paid. How many children were now minus a parent because of this fight? If she ever had children, would she want her career? On the opposing hand, if the fight hadn’t been fought they would all either be dead, in which case there would be no children ever again, or they would all be on their knees bowing in slavery. Neither thought was too appealing.
The flight to Australia was short, and from there they were loaded up to long haul carriers and flown to the States. She didn’t think, her mind during the flight was blank, occupied by any other thought other than the battle she had on some level been participating in. She hadn’t, in her mind, been part of this fight, but the feeling flowing through her was the same as if she had taken part in days long fire-fights. Perhaps she wasn’t ready to accept what she had been though, or perhaps because she wasn’t in the direct front line she was on the periphery. She looked at Jack who was reading a report he had been given in Australia. Daniel was sitting and just staring at the ground. He was obviously thinking, and Sam wondered about what, whether it was all the battles he had been a part of or something else. Teal’c sat stoically looking into the middle distance. To a casual observer prone to localised blindness, he would have appeared to be at parade rest. It was only in the slump of his shoulders that told you he, too, was exhausted by all he had seen and been through. Perhaps they would be allowed a few hours down time when they returned to the SGC. Sam’s eyes returned to the aircraft and its dingy green walls. Nothing changed there either.
Relaxation however wasn’t on the SGC’s list of priorities. or rather those within the American government, who knew of the Stargate programme would want to know everything, which meant hours of tedious reports, both written and verbal. Sam sat talking it through until her throat hurt. They gave her a drink to sooth her throat and continued unabated. After five hours, they were finally through with her. They had many groups of interrogators, so they had interrogated SG-1 simultaneously. Sam made a move to go to her quarters on base, only to see Jack in the corridor waiting for her.
“Hey.” He ran his hand through his hair and seemed like he was finally winding down. “Me, Daniel and Teal’c are going for a drink, and it isn’t fair to leave our resident genius out of the loop, so what do you say? You can take me for all the money at pool again.”
Sam looked at her superior officer and something her father had told her when she was younger came flitting back to her memory’s surface “When your superior asks you to do something as a group, treat it as an order, Sammy.” She sighed, all she wanted was some sleep, exhaustion was a difficult thing to get along with but knowing that she would seem surly if she told him how she felt, she quickly agreed.
The night passed in a riot of noise and jokes, the usual way men covered their insecurities. This was all she had been left with now that Janet was dead. Sam still couldn’t believe that last year they had been celebrating her birthday, this year she was gone, no birthdays, and no celebrations. Nothing accorded to the living was accorded the dead and that was something she had hated from the moment her mother had died.
All Sam wanted was a bed; it didn’t even have to be comfortable. Just somewhere oblivion could over take her.
They were talking up Jack as a hero, no details of course, to a waitress. Jack was doing his best to appear modest, but really he was gaining an ego boost from it, Sam smiled thinking of it, she couldn’t fault him for it, it was one of those rare times that praise and accolades were really earnt, and Jack had definitely earnt it. Sam smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and eyed the pool table.
“Oh, no, Sam, I am not near drunk enough to be beat by a girl in a game of pool.”
And there it was. She was the girl. Not one of the gang, or even a friend. She was smart and capable and that was what she wanted to be appreciated for. She had, had it twice, one had died, the other, well he was in Antarctica, helping the other Tok’ra, both were from that group of aliens. Perhaps age helped men understand women were their equals, or maybe human men never would understand it. Their egos were so fragile that they felt the need to constantly take care of the woman to the point of making her obsolete. Unless, of course, it was something they didn’t want to do. She rubbed her hand over her face. She didn’t want to be here; she was going to leave.
“I’m sorry guys, but I have to go. I’m tired, and I haven’t slept in days. I’m the one person you don’t need for company right now,” She said, standing and placing a twenty dollar bill for drinks she hadn’t drunk.
“Oh now come on, Sam, the night is young. We haven’t even played pool,” Jack said, almost whining like a kid.
“Well, hey, chalk this one up to a game you won. You can tell everyone on base you finally won, and I’ll back you up in the morning.” She really wanted out of the alcohol air, the perfume fumes, and loud jarring laughter a group of college girls in the corner of the restaurant were emitting.
“Do you need someone to drive you to the base?” Daniel asked, concern for his friend tingeing his voice.
“Oh, come one Danny, not you too.” Daniel blushed, he hated being put on the spot, but it looked like he didn’t especially want to be in the room either.
“That would be nice,” Sam said, smiling at him. She grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair as did Daniel, and they walked out together. As soon as they opened the door, they felt the blast of cold air hit their faces. The temperature had dropped, and no matter how warm the day had been, there was little of that now in evidence.
They moved to the car, and neither talked for five minutes until Sam broke the silence. “It was her birthday today.” She stared ahead of her, seeing nothing.
“I was waiting for you to say that, I know you two were very close. Are you ok?” Daniel said, briefly looking at his passenger, but maintaining some focus on the road.
“It’s not fair, not after all the lives she saved. Hell, she even helped to build one for Cassie and that was how she went?” She hadn’t said anything about it for months. She was always a little too busy, but tonight there was no tangible threat to earth, and even the thought of Martouf wasn’t helping to distract her.
“Perhaps it was better this way, than some long, lingering death. She would have hated that, you know.” Of course Daniel would have known that about her. They had been having a discreet liaison for a while, no one was supposed to know, and no one had. He had grieved alone, or would have had Sam not known. Daniel had stayed at her house a lot in the first month after Janet’s death.
“I’m sorry to drag this up.” Sam now felt bad; she didn’t mean to make Daniel suffer.
“You didn’t grieved while I was, did you?” Daniel said quietly.
“No, not really, you needed a friend, someone strong to help you.” Daniel smiled. She was self-sacrificing to the last. A true friend.
Cheyenne Mountain was coming up fast, and both of them knew they would soon be parting company. They didn’t have too long left to say anything of consequence that night.
“If you want to quietly grieve, and take your time, she wouldn’t be angry, but she would get pissed if you stayed in one place with your life. The one thing she wanted people to learn from her was to be brave enough to attempt something, even if you ended up failing.” Sam looked up at Daniel, tears drifting down her face and smiled.
“She was like that wasn’t she? She was never really afraid of anything. Saved our hides so many times, that attitude, too. If someone said, you can’t, she said, well, we’ll see. Everything was open to be tried, and try she did. Made her a great friend. I miss her.” The car fell silent and Daniel reached for his pass. They had made it to the complex, and Sam hadn’t even noticed.
They were waved through that checkpoint and then through a few more security checks before they reached the parking area. All in silence, quietly reflecting on a remarkable woman. Daniel parked at the car park and allowed Sam to get out.
“Are you going to be okay?”
Sam smiled tiredly, running her hands through her hair. She sighed with a loud exhale of air. “Yes. I’m gonna bunk down in my base quarters and get a good long sleep.” She smiled and rolled her shoulders. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Night, Daniel.” She smiled wanly again and walked off through the doors to the Cheyenne Mountain complex.
The journey to her quarters seemed to take far longer than it did during the day. Sam shrugged to herself, perhaps time was different if you were emotional or tired. She ran her hands over her face. Several of her colleagues saw her and smiled, and she smiled wearily, distracted by tiredness. Reaching her quarters, she swiped her card and entered.
Greeted by darkness, she moved around putting on the minimal of lighting needed to change into the t-shirt and shorts she kept for when she had to stay on base. Brushing her teeth she looked at herself, but saw nothing. Her mind was whirring so fast that nothing was registering, and a blank glazed look settled over her face. Finishing up, she threw cold water over her face, towelled it off, and moved to her bed. She sat on the side and already closing her eyes, she took off her watch and socks before swinging her legs onto the bed and lying down.
* * *
Her alarm went off rousing her from a warm and seductive dream. Turning over with a sigh, she almost fell off the bed, in alarm; there was a man in her bed.
“Who are you?” She yelled jumping out of the bed, staring at the slumbering, naked figure in her bed. She knew she hadn’t drunk enough to have picked up someone, and looking at herself she saw she was in sleep clothes. So who was playing a joke? The still sleeping male turned over, and as she had taken the only blanket on the bed, he was left draped in a sheet. Her jaw dropped. She knew the man, and had dreamt that night of him.
She stood there for moments or minutes, she had no clue as to which. Slowly, the man stirred and opened his eyes to see Sam.
“Samantha.” It was so quietly said that she almost hadn’t heard it. “Samantha? What are you doing here, how are you here?” Glancing around his jaw dropped whilst Samantha’s eyes boggled. Sitting up he tried to say something that fit the circumstance, but nothing came to mind. He looked down at his lack of clothing and a blush rose up. He spoke quietly.
“It must have worked.”
As the words hung in the air, Samantha was puzzled and Martouf began wrapping the material of the sheet around his body, more for her than for his own modesty. Prior to joining forces with the Tok’Ra, he had been a part of a culture that hadn’t been encumbered with modesty.
“Just what are you talking about?” Samantha asked, confusion colouring her voice.
“I asked the Ancients to make me mortal again, my Samantha,” he said as he walked to her. She stood frozen her eyes wide, almost disbelieving that the opportunity to have this man had landed in her lap. “I spent an eternity…
“Four years, 6 months, and 7 days.” Samantha interjected.
“An eternity, and for a while I was content. I knew you would be safe, you were to smart to be captured, you had Jolinar and Rosha’s tenacity within you along side your own intellect. But then I saw that you still loved me and I needed to see you. After that, I heard about the problems you were having with Anubis, and I needed to help. I needed to be with you. I thought just being around you would be enough, but soon it became clear that I needed to touch you, to physically be near you.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and sighed.
Samantha stood looking at the man who had sacrificed so much just to touch her. “You sacrificed … that much to… to…” She couldn’t comprehend it.
“To be able to hold you in our arms. And really it wasn’t that much. Not to us, at least. He smiled up at her.
“So, now what? Do you go back to the Tok’Ra? There have been some large changes there.” Samantha paced while she talked. “Do you remain here with the SGC.? There are an amazing amount of questions to be answered.”
“I had thought to put them off for a while and enjoy touching you.” Martouf grinned like a young boy.
“And what about Lantash? How does he feel?” Samantha said.
Martouf lowered his head for a moment, when his head rose he spoke in the more husky tones of Lantash. “We are both in agreement. We wasted much too much time delaying anything last time.” Lantash, unlike Martouf, was bold and intuitive, and he searched Samantha’s eyes searching for what her answer might be.
A loud beeping noise distracted them both. Samantha, relieved at the reprieve, walked over to her alarm clock and shut it off before the beeps gave her a pounding headache.
“What was that, is it a warning of some kind?” Lantash spoke, breaking the silence.
“No, it was an alarm to tell me to get up and ready for a days work. I have a briefing in an hour. I need to get dressed.” And there was the crux of their problem. Where she had gotten undressed alone, she now wasn’t. Wrapping the blanket around her tighter, she went to her wardrobe and grabbed some BDU’s. Glancing at Martouf, she realised that he would have a problem. Glancing at him again, she guestimated that he was roughly Daniel’s size. She made a mental note to call him and get some clothes for Martouf. Smiling she said, “I’m just going in this room to get dressed and I’ll be out in a few minutes.” Sheepishly, she dived into the room leaving a rather bemused Martouf.
A short thirty minutes later, Samantha came out of the room with her hair still damp, but dressed. “I’m going to get you something to wear,” She explained as she picked up the phone and quickly she dialled Daniel.
“Hi Daniel…No I haven’t read that paper, and yes I did have a good night’s sleep…Look, Daniel, something has come up….No, I am not sick, just let me talk…Sorry I didn’t mean to snap…Yes, we can talk about that later. Listen, Martouf has descended…Excuse me but that was my ear.” She was smiling, so Martouf began to relax again as they both loved Samantha’s smile. They listened as her conversation continued. “Well if you let me get a word in edgeways, and leave my hearing at only slightly impaired, I’ll tell you why I called. Do you remember what you were wearing the last time you descended? …Exactly my point. Right, thank you.”
She replaced the receiver and laughed at the end of the conversation. Daniel really was like a brother to her, and there was a small part the enjoyed teasing him at times. “He’ll be along shortly.” She quickly ran a brush through and a hairdryer over her hair and was just finishing putting them away when there was a knock on her door. “And that, will be Daniel,” she said.
“So, how is he? Can he remember anything?” Daniel said quietly, as he stood on the threshold holding a bundle of clothing.
“Yes, he doesn’t seem to be suffering the amnesia you did.” Sam waved him in and closed the door quietly behind her.
“Hello, Daniel,” Martouf said. “Yes, my memory and that of Lantash are fully functioning. Because of the mind control the Goa’uld used on me, the Ancients, or the gate-builders, decided not to erase my memory.” Daniel smiled.
“Ah right, well, erm, yeah. These are yours, erm, don’t worry about bringing them back to me. I think I had better get back, because Jack is likely to swing by my office,” Daniel said.
“You’ve been here all night?” Samantha asked.
“Yeah, didn’t see much point in returning home, and you still didn’t tell me why you came here, and not your house. It would have been more direct a route from the restaurant than Cheyenne”
“Well I wanted to lie in as much as possible, and being on base makes that possible. And I didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to have the memories and dreams of battle invade there as well.” Sam said, by way of explanation. They were by the door and Daniel’s hand was curled around the handle.
“As I said, I better go. We have a briefing in 30, so I’ll see you then.” Daniel opened the door and ducked out quickly. Looking back into the room Samantha saw why. Martouf had began throwing the clothes on and had lost all sense of modesty in the meantime.
“We’ll have to go to the briefing together and announce your ‘arrival’,” Sam said to Martouf, as he finished by putting the shirt on over the plain black T-Shirt.
“Oh.” His face fell, and he had the sinking feeling he wouldn’t be getting much alone time with Samantha that day.
* * *
They were the first to enter the empty briefing room. Sitting down together they looked at one another. They both wore frowns. This could go one of two ways. And if it went wrong, it might just go wrong for future alliances with the Tok’Ra
The General who usually looked where he was going, was distractedly reading SG-11’s report when he tripped on the last stair as he came up from the gate room. Martouf was the first out of his seat and helped the man up. “Thank you… Martouf?” He was startled. “I thought Ascended beings were ephemeral beings?” The general said, smiling graciously at the more solid man before him.
Soon the men of SG-1 walked into the briefing room. First Teal’c who sat down at the table in typical stoic fashion, after bowing slightly to Martouf and the General. Daniel, was surprisingly not the last to appear. He had ulterior motives in wanting to see Jacks face when Martouf sat down in a seat. Jack was the final person to enter the room, glaring at Martouf he sat in his seat. Shortly after, Martouf, who had remained standing after helping the General sat also, Jacks jaw dropped.
“Colonel O’Neill, is there a problem?” General Hammond asked sternly.
“Well no, not if an ascended being can touch things and it be considered normal, then no there is no problem.” Jack said, still staring at Martouf.
“I have returned to the mortal plains of existence,” Martouf clarified.
“Oh.” Both Daniel and Teal’c smiled slightly.
“Well people we are here to discuss what to do about Martouf’s return, and where he is staying, and also when we tell the Tok’Ra, that is assuming you wish to return to the Tok’Ra. And also SG-1’s planned trip to P3X 395.”
Just as Samantha got up to speak, the alarms went off and sergeant Davis’s voice rang out. “Incoming traveller.” The six person group walked briskly down the stairs to the control room where Davis elaborated “Tok’Ra IDC, sir.”
“Well open the iris, son.” General Hammond said gently, as though coaxing a child.
The figure walked through the event horizon as though taking an everyday stroll through a park. Samantha’s face broke out into a grin at the recognition of the first of two men who had come though, running out of the room, disregarding all regulations, she ran to the gate room. “Dad, how are you? Is everything ok?”
“Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. Let an old man recover from the trip.” Jacob said smiling.
“Are you alright, Dad?” Sam was now concerned.
“He is perfectly fine, he passed his last medical.” The other visitor said.
“Thank you, Malek, couldn’t let me pull the wool over my daughters eyes, huh.” Jacob said laughing.
“Everything is ok then, this is semi social call then?” Samantha said.
“Not exactly, Sam, there is something I need to ask of you,” Jacob said cryptically.
TBC
