My first real poems

[angelicalangie]

I have been dealing with issues I haven't been able to describe. 

Tonight I was helping a friend with a journal article for a writing journal, she has been writing for and looked at one of the issues and saw a poem about mental health and it sparked something.

I ended up writing 3 poems about the things that in normal conversant language I have had the most difficulty with expressing.

I dunno if they are very good in a technical sense, but they express what they are intended, so they are successful to me.

Enjoy!

About depression

When you come around
I am not myself
When you come around
The world I know is not my own

I struggle for the words to speak
I rant and wail
I struggle to inhabit the world you wreak
And know I fail

The world I owned becomes a dried husk
Of ideas dead
my oxygen of words and images
dead before my mind

When you come around
I make myself alone
When you come around
disturbed is how I think

I want to feel the Sun's sweet kiss
to feel the love in my breast,
but when you come around
empty is all I know

My past has held me captive for far too long
my fears my shackles too
for when you come around
these jailers follow through

My misery shall be my cloak no more
my emotions shall become my foe
my sense of self revived
My world, my own, once more.


About losing My Mum and what it means/meant

Your friendship was all I ever needed
your words, my strength
The love you encapsulated
My insulation from the harsh world

The the night of coldness
the snap-backs from the illusory
The reality piercing and sharp
the jilted crying jags, the cruel calm

The friendship no more
My strength Silenced
The encapsulation shattered
Thrust into the harsh

Faltering I found my footing
Anger found me wanting,
Heartache reaping what the reaper did not
I birthed into a new world alone

I battled and fought
I preserved and clung
I breathed deep into an independence denied
I craved the love, the friendship and the strength

Miles were traversed
faces were met
Answers were short
Until epiphany found

Love and strength and Friendship
within myself had been been sown
those years before the cold harsh new world
whilst encapsulated I lay.

About my relationship with my dad - who lived with me my entire life (I am lucky and I know that.)

I am sorry
I failed you
I tried so hard
to be everything wanted

Grief took me into directions unknown
caring for you took me from myself
Everything known was shattered
and I was little girl lost

You needed me now
I felt you rejected me then
I could not compute
the shift from child to parent to you

I tried my best in my stilted way
I wanted you to follow my path
and couldn't understand why you couldn't
This life became so alien to you

I went searching for love in the wrong places
Searching for what I no longer had
felt you couldn't give
You needed more

Brevity of time has eclpised since then
A multitude of moons have passed
A Butterfly emergent I have become
And now you are gone, I am finally getting to know who you were.